Wednesday, November 16, 2016

Inner circles - have you tried applying for one?

Colorful noises, silent downpours, do you know to speak activities, cold coffee, long hours of dreaming -is that the corporate world you know of? Vibrant voices, sounds of laughter, group gatherings, steaming hot cups of coffee, charged up hours of ideation - does this sound more like the place you are in.. Maybe or maybe not. In all of this what may not be different are the inner circles.

What's that now? Some sort of process that is required for a job or is it the halo that you may get once you become the SME. Neither friends yet it is much more valued than the appraisals and the money. Inner circle allows you more face time with the most key clients, gets you the invite to those dinner parties and the oh so not formal, very friendly get to gathers, gives you the so called juicy information which can make you the most sought after person. Oh yes, it comes free with an invisible chip on the shoulder- did you expect more?

Gaining an entry to it does not require great degrees like hard work , smart work, any work for that matter. It s quite simple like fancy designations (we have always believed in hierarchy you see) , some amount of put up arrogance , even if you are down the ladder you can be accepted there as you come in with the exception of having THE ATTITUDE.

Don't even fret about the skills, it's easy, if you know how to take here and there, be forgetful, have less ownership by seeming busy all the time, knowing how to show people thier places, buy and apply some butter or pure dumb ignorance, you land in that spot even without interviews.

I knew some one who was trying hard to get there, not that I have not tried and shamelessly never got there just had one cent - the outer circle is large and has a larger warmth, you may never feel alone as you will see some one at every step unlike the inner circle.

Tuesday, November 1, 2016

Nov 1st - ONE

One is straight line, 
one is success, 
one is unity , 
one is different, 
one is you, 
one is me , 
one is God , 
one is heart , 
one is love, 
one is pure, 
one is cure, 
one is pain, 
one is lonely, 
one is cheat, 
one is great , 
one is first , 
one is last, 
one is truth , 
one is lie, 
one is right, 
one is wrong, 
one is life, 
one is death .

This post is written for the first day of NaBloPoMo

Saturday, October 15, 2016

Share it with me if you like - Friday Reflections


Sheela aunty was once again arguing with the Vegetable vendor, The water tanker had to horn to send the voice to the last house in spite of not a soul in front of him. Shekar Uncle's usual routine of kicking his scooter was more of a habit even when it would start in the second one. The sound of the bells announcing the end of the daily worship when everybody in the household stand around to have their hand waved across the pious fire . These little ( Ok , sometimes big) made my morning , today was different . It was another day of parade , small talks , introductions , show around the house, is there something you want to talk , expectations and the void.

Growing up in a joint family , staying in of one of row houses in the busiest streets in Chennai came with its own pinch of sugar and salt . Not a day went without laughter even after the biggest of fights and also not a day where you have a minute for self . Leave alone the family even the aunty in the last house would know what has been made for all three meals in each of the houses. From the age of 15 , it was my responsibility to serve the morning filter coffee to all in their preferred quantity, time and cups. I must add that coffee is more than a favorite drink to me , it connects me with all, it allows me the time for myself when brewing it and rejuvenates me when I take my first sip. I craved more of this in the recent days as all around me had come to a standstill with my coffee time as well being  given to my younger sister . So what did I have to do ? Pick up a Saree every other day ( could be mine, mom's aunt's ,sisters), get ready in a style which would be different from the previous time but have the look of a worthy bride every time  .

Today being the another day , It was a red Saree with green border , the green bangles in my hand were making far too much noise rather than Shekar Uncle's scooter or so it seemed. Each one came in to adjust either the neckpiece or the earrings but never forgot to state their agony as well. I understand that it was getting too much as the last 9 alliances had somehow not worked. They never blamed me , only the degrees that I held , the saree I wore , the neighbor's devil eye , sometimes even the time the groom entered the house. The sweets were ready , the  chairs were set, all the elders were dressed to the occasion , the little ones were waiting for the guests to come and go ( the sweets were then theirs, you see ) . My elder sister who had arrived yesterday came in to tell me that I would be required to come out in the next 10 minutes . I felt nothing unlike the first time when I just wanted to walk away from this . Yes, every time I met someone , my heart wanted some signal to say this was the one , thankfully none of it worked and my heart was also normal. She reminded me to remove my glasses before I walked out . Doing so dutifully , I walked outside , greeted all with a smile and before I could offer anything , he said , he wanted to speak to me separately. When I walked in to the room with him , I realized that he was the same one whom I have seen many times at the shop down the road .

He requested if I could make him a cup of coffee ( Coffee was served outside) as he had heard it from many in the street about the coffee I made( I told you, nothing remained a secret ) . I actually found myself feeling a sense of freedom and relief , I went in to the kitchen and by the time I had finished making it , I had all the women in my house telling me what else I could have done . I didn't mind the noise , picked up that yellow and white cup , poured the steaming hot filter coffee for 2 and went in again. We would have hardly interacted for 5 minutes by which time my parents felt this was stretching a little bit .

With no expectations , just feeling happy , I walked back into the room to escape from all of the usual expected questions and What I saw their changed my life forever . Next to the cup of my half finished coffee , was the Diary Milk Silk Caramel chocolate which I purchased every time I went to the shop. There was also a note under my glasses "Your coffee time is yours, never leave it unfinished for anyone , not even me ! and yes that chocolate is the only thing I could catch a glimpse of you asking for  every time I saw you there, we could share it if you like ". After all I thought arranged marriages are made in heaven!

This Post has been written as part of the Picture prompt for Friday reflections featured on Write Tribe

Tuesday, October 11, 2016

Love the Imperfect -What have you learned from blogging?

Image result for imperfect
There I felt the usual peck on my head and before she said anything, I opened my eyes and asked "Mama" where is my gift ? She gave me her ever radiant smile and said, "Happy Birthday Beta(Child)". The impatient me did not bother to hear that , all I did was open the cupboard and started searching, causing quite a mess. I was 18 today , adulthood had finally dawned , the age of I can do it myself ! She did turn to say something , I brushed past her as my phone kept ringing with all that awaited calls.

From the corner of my eye, I did see that mama continued during her morning chores , like placing a cup of coffee next to papa's study table where he was busy with his newspaper , handing over the spectacles to Dadi for her prayer reading , packing lunch boxes for my lazy brother , getting herself ready all at the same time. While I was still busy with my phone, she signaled me that I was getting late to college. I am sure she caught the guilty look in me thinking "I am to bunk and party with friends , hope she does not find out ". What else could I do ? She had arranged for a get together with the full family in the evening .

When I stepped out after my shower , Dadi came in to give me her usual blessings like in all other birthdays and a bracelet of her own  as my gift . I did think of wearing it immediately , my mind had to change when I looked at the clothes I was to wear . Mama just then called out my name , "Vruksha , you will get late , it is time we leave". Yes, she is the one who drops me at college. For a brief minute or two , I went down the memory lane where I realized, Mama was everything , she always had to get all in place yet she found time to have fun and laugh . Al of us around her kept having a list of our own and she would find a way to get to the end of it . With a jolt on the door, it was time to go.

In the car , I told her , Mama I am 18 today and this for me is like wanting to live a life of my own, I would never be able to do what you do to us! How do you even stand us ? She said "Get down, go have a good party and here is your gift "and she zipped in her car. I stood right there and opened the gift , it was a beautiful watch with the most lovely words inscribed in it "You don’t love someone because they’re perfect, you love them in spite of the fact that they’re not.” She once again read my mind!!



If you are new to Friday Reflections, here’s what it’s about. It’s the end of the week, you’re probably exhausted with work, and all you want to do is sit back, put your feet up, sip on some fancy cocktail or wine, and write away. Sanch and Write Tribe give you writing prompts and all you have to do is choose any one of those prompts to blog about and link up between Friday and Monday. After you link up, be sure to spread the love by visiting other bloggers who have linked up too.
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 ‘Write Tribe
Prompts for this week:
1. Things you’ve learnt since you started blogging
2. What’s your most favourite word and why?
3. Write a day-in-the-life post and make it specific to what you do either at work/school/home
4. “You don’t love someone because they’re perfect, you love them in spite of the fact that they’re not.” – Jodi Picoult (My Sister’s Keeper) – Use this quote in your post or to inspire your post

Wednesday, September 28, 2016

I am fertile (#InfertilityNotATaboo)

I am fertile, I now have a 7 seven year old - sounds obnoxious , isn't it , well that's the truth and I find it very weird every time I get to hear this told to me "Thank God, all went well for you and you have this child , not many women are lucky". A land worth millions does not promise a yield, industries which has lived a lifetime cannot predict their next year  - For God's sake , I am a Woman human and I was not born with a tag. I mention the WOMAN in particular, for , the four people who live around my neighborhood only seem to have time to find my missing tag.

I indeed thank the almighty for the bundle of joy he has given me , I am here to narrate my first hand experience of my friend with whom I have lived through one of her most unreasonable phase. Her wedding was the most talked about in our circle, she got the guy she loved, she had the best job, she was at the peak of her career, a dream wedding , a dreamier honeymoon in the alps( All comments on had the jealous feel ). It continued in the form of year long gifts, expensive dinners, another tag of best couple and so on.  One day in a group chat ( this would have been just a year after her marriage) , one of the so called good friend went on a spree of asking my friend on the perceived delay of the "third member"and whats the plan , when is it and nothing useful. I thought it ended there.

In the same week , my friend messaged me she has left her job as her doctor said that she should not be under any pressure as this might as well cause a delay.All I asked her was , did she not have any option of keeping the job and working around it and the response she gave me stunned me "I don't want anyone to say that I held on to it and that is why my eggs are not getting fertilized ". Who is this anyone , the brutality is , it is indeed ANYONE and at that point it seems so much of an order, obligation and what not that a human has to come out of you. I believe that in olden times that is what we called slavery. That started my insight into one of the most painful phase one can go through.

For close to 3 years or may be more I have seen her talk to me about things which has shook me from deep inside. Some statements that stood out are "It's he who has the problem but I should ensure that this does not go out ","I decided that we will not tell anything openly ","My mother in law thinks it's me and never her son", "I don't want any of our friends to know as they may be happy that I have this problem". Every week all i used to worry is where is she in all of this - the go getter, the happy wife , the romantic lover. To add , she was given a sheet where every money spent on her was written so that she ensures to make a baby . Lunatic people , if making a baby was in our hands, why would I even need anyone ?

What makes me wonder is this whole process of being infertile ( the way the world names it) seems to be the sole responsibility of Women in most cases. For many in India, this does not sound surprising but what surprised me the most as a friend and a psychologist is the Women in question loses all her identity and just becomes a commodity or say machine which needs to keep putting oil( in form of painful injections and procedures ) until the desired product does not come out. In the interim , the person who owns the commodity or all those who handle it look at it like a rotten one. From a diva to 90 kg, from spotless skin to only visible pores , from a gentle women to an arrogant tyrant she lost all of what she cared for.

Today as it stands , she does not let her son down even for a minute- Yes he is a darling for sure . yet the scare that even a breeze might ruffle his hair and those four people would again point at her and ONLY HER has only made her go far away from us.

Infertility is not ONLY our genders birth right , it should actually be that my gender should be given a birth right of choice to mother one of her own or any !!#InfertilitynotaTaboo- Join Write tribe and InfertilityDost

Friday, September 2, 2016

What's Extra "ordinary"

An Alarm at five;
The bread and the knife;
A one by two balance ;
That look and the glance.

A mother so nice;
A boss so kind;
No time for mess;
Can get you to grind.

Prayers, wishes and greetings too;
Time we make for all that is you;
Calls to take , pets to feed,
You call me friend for your need.

Who teaches , the book or the mind
Not a single soul has the wand to find;
My eyes open wide with a quizzical smile;
when Extra ordinary is my name once in a while....

This is an ode to all the Women out there:)

Saturday, April 23, 2016

Reel of Feelings ( S - Sinking In) - # A to Z challenge

I walked up straight to her , neither did I want Tarun nor Ruhana . I banged open the door and asked her "who gave you the right to decide whether I should be born or not ? , Why didn't you have the courage to bring me up , What are you trying to prove now by wanting to meet me ". She took her walking stick and sat down in her chair and said "Finally , we are alone and I can tell you what I have been wanting to ". I said "I am not here to listen to your story , yes , my hatred towards you is gone . Now after I have learnt the hard truth of my birth , I have no feelings left but want my questions answered".

She said "fine Tara , if you can give me 10 minutes of your life today, I will tell you all that you wanted to know" and she began. "I always wanted you my child , more than my want a mother always wants the child's safety and thats what I did . When the doctor told me that I had a girl , I was the happiest as I knew you will shine . I handed you over to Hakim Baba and told him to give you all the love he had . My battles were many but I was brought up to serve my duties and so I did , both to you and to your father. That night when your father found you , you stopped your journey towards me but I started my journey towards you. 13 years , every night I was with you hearing all your stories, everyday moments and telling them what should the course for the next day. The last 2 years have been tough on me when I lost my eyesight and I am not complaining . I am till date, proud of myself as I stood against all odds to make sure that my daughter lives like a queen" and just one last line she said "Women power is infinity , all we need to do is to realize it , not waste it , no one can stop us".

She knew I was crying and said, "Come , give me a hug Tara, you loved doing that "and that hug was all that i waited for .It took a long time for that feeling to sink in that I was not unwanted . It was sinking in fiercely today when I held that small fingers in my hand and when she cuddled to me as if I was her world. How could she be unwanted ?